Panic!!

All of the following is true.

Emailer C: I also think I have the avian flu, I'll find out at 3:30 today – I'm gonna make the NEWS!
Okay maybe I just have bronchitis.

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Emailer R: Good luck on the bird flu. While I have no desire for your death, I think it might be kinda cool to contract it--imagine the media coverage, you'd be on all the networks. It would be a great platform to rail and rally against the administration. Also, I could then start sentences with, "I have this friend who has bird flu..."

Then of course there would be bumper stickers, tee shirts and the speaking tour. You could follow that with a book (ghostwriters would sign up in a heartbeat) and then turn the book into a Lifetime original. Who knows, HBO might even do a Real Sex episode on it (given you promiscuous and lascivious history, they are sure to jump on board). Finally, space. That's right, space. The final frontier and all, yes, but the first woman in space with bird flu--damn! By the way, I'm reserving the advertising space on the forehead of your helmet now while the rates are cheap.

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Emailer C: The worst part about all the media attention, fame and money (from all my appearances, endorsements, etc.) is that I’ll die sooner than I can spend it all because even though they could cure me (see Magic Johnson and AIDS) they would use me as an example to scare the masses and create a pandemonium (first time I’ve used that word, ever.)
*but thanks to you I will live on forever as I’ll specify in my will (note to have one created) that anyone I’m leaving my money to will have to first get a LifeGem of me and wear it proudly & prominently for all to see. I can’t wait to die.